Questions on dating violence
OPDV offers a thorough explanation in Finding Safety & Support called “What is an Order of Protection and Where Can You Get One? Calling is anonymous and confidential and doesn’t mean they have to take any immediate action.
For more information, see the “Friends, Family, Co-Workers and Bystanders” chapter of Finding Safety & Support, starting on page 59. It is important to consider your own safety any time you are dealing with an abuser. Another is to talk to the abuser about your concerns.
Many victims are never physically or sexually assaulted but are controlled and terrorized by their partners’ use of non-physical tactics such as: verbal, emotional/psychological abuse; coercion and threats; isolation; minimizing, denying, blaming; using children; intimidation; and economic abuse. Victims can be from any socio-economic group, education level, gender or ethnicity. And while victims can be from any walk of life, research shows that racial and ethnic minority women and men continue to bear a relatively heavier burden of sexual violence, stalking, and domestic violence . Learn more from the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence’s handout, Male Victims of Violence. As with victims, abusers can come from any walk of life – rich, poor, young, or old, and any gender, background or ethnicity. But there are some common traits shared by many abusers.
They may be charming, jealous, controlling, and manipulative and they may blame others for their problems.
You don’t have to stay in a domestic violence shelter to get help. In New York State, all licensed and approved programs must provide services, including emergency shelter, for victims of domestic violence regardless of gender. Unless abusers take full responsibility for their behaviors, they are unlikely to change.
Programs may also offer support groups, services for children and many other services that can help victims. For details, see OPDV’s “What About Help for Your Abusive Partner?
Domestic violence victims often feel like the abuse is their problem and their fault, and that they are responsible for fixing the relationship.
They may not realize they’re being abused if the abuse isn’t physical (and even if it is).
It’s true an OP “won’t stop a bullet,” but it can be a very powerful tool for holding offenders accountable. ODPV’s main purposes are advising the Governor on legislation, training professionals in systems whose work intersects with domestic violence, and promoting awareness of the issue. OPDV is able to assist in resolving certain issues. Give them the phone number of the local domestic violence program or the NYS Domestic & Sexual Violence Hotline (1-800-942-6906).The Hotline operates 24 hours a day, seven days a week. Trained counselors provide a variety of services including crisis intervention, supportive counseling, and information and referral services.Additional resources available in most communities may include: local domestic violence program, police, probation, Family Court, local civil legal services, local Department of Social Services (includes Child Protective Services, Adult Protective Services), NYS Office of Temporary and Disability Assistance, and local Victim Assistance Programs. Domestic violence programs offer 24-hour hotlines, confidential counseling and emergency housing (shelter) for domestic violence victims and their children. Changing one’s beliefs and behaviors is possible but it’s not quick or easy to do.For more about the effects of domestic violence on children, see “What About Your Children? But older adults also experience domestic violence as we define it. Committing violence against animals is one way that abusers threaten and punish victims and children who love their pets and rely on them for security and comfort.In reported abuse cases of older adults in New York State, the abuser was a spouse or partner 26% of the time. Many victims feel they can’t leave the situation because they are afraid to leave a pet behind and most shelters are not equipped to house pets. Finally, it is not uncommon for abusers to train animals to attack victims and children, so that the animal is used as a weapon to further the abuse.
Domestic violence is a pattern of coercive tactics, which can include physical, psychological, sexual, economic and emotional abuse, perpetrated by one person against an adult intimate partner, with the goal of establishing and maintaining power and control over the victim.